I am constantly surprised by the benefits of dancing.   This article is a great illustration of the benefits in life an business.

It is only common sense that no matter who you are ballroom dance classes are good for you. It’s great physical exercise, it’s social, and it’s definitely not going to hurt your dating life. In the last year or two the public’s opinion and passion for ballroom has exploded with movies like Take the Lead and shows like Dancing with the Stars drawing large crowds.

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I was never really comfortable with the terms lead and follow in dance.  Are you?

I have  stated in the past that lead and follow requires equality and that the follower is really in as much control of the dance as the leader.

Negative Perception

For many people, especially ladies, The term follow is not a popular word.   When people hear “Follow”, they seem to think it means do what you are told and you have no choice.  Lead also tends to have similar negative impact, being perceived as command .

Following is active, not passive and Leading is part following and can only be accomplished if the leader is GIVEN authority, by the follower.

I was going to write this article myself, when I ran across the same subject written by Richard Powers.   I like the way he describes lead and follow as tracking and interpreting.  See what you think.

Read Richard Powers – Ultimate Partnering

As a leader, how much are you following?

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Will dance change your life?

Lately, I have been thinking about how my life has changed in the ten years since I started learning to dance.   As I thought about this, it occurred to me that a number of very positive things have changed in my life that were a direct result of dance.  Here are a few.

1. Confidence

If I can do something once, I can do it a thousand times.

2.  Courage

It’s sometimes difficult to do something new, to take that first step into the unknown, but the rewards are so worth it.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable and grow.

3.  Persistence

Anything worth doing is going to be a challenge.  When it’s most frustrating, there is only one thing to do.  Keep going.  Do not stop,      EVER!!!

4.  Accept Criticism

Some are good and worthy of your attention.  Some are bad and better ignored.  Listen to the good and grow.  Ignore the bad as it’s not worth your energy.

5.  Mistakes are Part of Life

Mistakes are part of being human.  Appreciate your mistakes for what they are:  precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.   Hard lessons last the longest.

6.  First Impressions

They say first impressions are the most important and that may be so, but I’ve found that everyone deserves a second chance to make a good first impression so give everyone two chances.    Who knows, maybe you didn’t do so good on your first impression either.

7.  Passion

Whatever you do and enjoy, do it with passion.  Passion is the difference between good and extraordinary.  If you love what you are doing, it shows like a bright beacon.

8.  Embrace the unexpected

Be suprised.   Some of the most enjoyable and rewarding moments come when you  least expect it.

9.  Life is a Journey

Goals and destinations are important, but you can’t look at where you are and compare yourself to others.

You are on a journey and always endeavor to improve, but enjoy where you are today.   Look back and see where you came from and celebrate the success of what you have already achieved.

Life’s A Dance
by John Michael Montgomery

Life’s a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don’t worry about what you don’t know
Life’s a dance you learn as you go

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Matching Resistance

Matching resistance is a critical element in creating good connection. To create this connection the follower needs to be in the man’s right hand.  To create a connection with your partner in the closed ballroom position, the follower must match the resistance of the leader’s right hand with her left shoulder blade.

This is achieved by the follower pulling her left shoulder back and down pressing into the leader’s hand.  With no matching resistance, the follower will simply collapse into the leader and there is no communication and no way for him to lead at this point.

Skippy Blair says: .Matching the resistance, is also known as The Law of Opposition. It tells us that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A push meets with a push. A pull meets with a pull. In dance, the resistance is NOT actually pushing or pulling. It is a matching “reaction” to the “action” of the lead. The natural tendency to “yield” to a “lead” rather than to match the natural resistance is a real problem for many dancers.

With good matching resistance, comes good frame and good frame means both leader and follower will enjoy their time together on the dance floor.

How has matching resistance improved your dance?

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Learning to dance can be a fun and rewarding experience, but walking into that studio for the first time can be quite scary for many people.

Read more of my article at The Examiner….

Marchione and her disabled partner, Nick Scott, will compete together for the first time at the upcoming Philadelphia Festival Atlantic Coast Championships in Philadelphia in June and again at the IPC Worlds in November in Germany.

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I guess there is something out there for everyone.  If you are into Horoscopes and dance, well this site is just for you.

Not for me, but I certainly got a kick out of it.  I wonder if you get a free palm reading with the purchase of private lessons????  Might be worth asking.

Ballroom Dancer’s Horoscope For April 14 — 20
With the new moon in impulsive Aries today, Wednesday, April 14, use your common sense and focus your energy…..

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As men, we often ask ourselves what do  women want and it seems to be a mystery to many.   ….

Is it possible that what women want in life is the same thing they look for in dance?   I hear over and over again from dance instructors the following statement in one form or another.  “Guys, this is the one place you are in charge”.   Is this really true?  I wonder.

We live in a society today that has taken something critical from men.   Our Masculinity and Authority.  Gone are the days of strong men.

TV has an interesting way of portraying current social stigmas and stereotypes.  TV used to be filled with strong male leads as fathers and husbands.  Men of strong conviction, character and integrity.  Men such as Charles Engels (Little House on the Prarie) are gone only  to be replaced with men like Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) who are nothing more than  incompetent man-children, barely leaving behind adolescence despite their age.

Commericals barrage us with scenes of the lost and ignorant husband unable to comprehend the simple fact that the wife just got wireless internet in their house and she has to patiently explain to the moron of a husband that he no longer needs a cable to print his stupid worthless document.  Yeah,  I added the stupid, worthless part.

How did we get to a point where our society’s view of men is a hapless, spineless, bumbling bunch of idiots? or is it?

Where am I going with this?   I promise this train of thought does actually have a caboose.

I’m not going to go into how we got here as that is a bigger subject and could fill a book.  OK, it’s already filled many books so I doubt I have anything to add.  So I’m going to talk about it from another angle.

Ladies,  I ask you one honest simple question.  Do you want to be the leader in your relationship or would you prefer a strong, capable, confident, respectful, trusted man take that role?   I ask it this way simply because if I asked if you would want to follow the leadership of Ray Barone, the answer would be obvious….NO.

Now for the point.  I suspect that the same traits women look for in a strong dance leader might also be the same they would find appealing in a relationship.

Last year I wrote a two part series: 9 Traits of a Real Man  Part 1 and Part 2.  Part 1 links to an article by Bobbi Wingham (a woman) and her views on Masculine Men.  In Part 2, I apply these traits to the dance floor.

As a man, I seriously doubt that I could do a better job of describing the traits women want in a man better than Bobbi did.  You may or may not agree with her but I challenge you to find anything negative in the traits she lists.

Read part 1, and Bobbi’s article, then read part 2.  When you done, come back here and finish this one.  Don’t worry,  I will wait.

Queue the elevator music……….

So what did you think?  Agree?   disagree?

I’ve come to beleive that in life, just as in dance,  women want strong men to be in charge.  Not just on the dance floor, but off as well.  Men, We have abdicated our position of authority by simply not living up to it.    I’ll illustrate with dance

Dance is a partnership and connection is critical.  I write often about connection in dance, in frame, to the music and especially to your partner.  Men, If you do not maintain connection to your dance partner, they will be forced to lead themselves.   Here is a revelation for you.  She doesn’t want that.  She wants you to take control of the dance.

In life,  it might be said that she wants the same thing which is  Strong Leadership.   Now before you go getting mad at me, did you read part 1 and part 2?????   Well, then go ahead and read Lead and Follow: Part 3 – I Lead, You Follow, But Who’s In Charge? .

I’m not talking about leadership that is “do what I say or else”.  I’m talking servant leadership that is selfless, respectful, trusted, protective, nurturing.

I’m going to list some qualities of a good leader as they apply to the dance floor.   When I’m done, I have a question  for the ladies.

• A leader will have most or all of the 9 Traits of a Masculine Man
• Leadership is a burden, a leader must be able to gain support from the follower.
• A leader must be trusted by the follower
• Leadership cannot be taken or forced, only granted.  Force does not equal leadership
• A leader must be strong and firm, but gentle.
• A leader must be Respectful, placing her in a position of high honor.
• A leader must allow her freedom to express herself, to be heard, and allowed to grow.
• Leadership requires humility.  Never draw attention to your own skill. Let others do it for you.
• A leader accepts the follower, not as an equal, but as one esteemed above himself and of greater importance

When I go to dance, I like to sit and talk with the ladies.  Well, who doesn’t, but I listen to what they have to say about us men and let me tell you guys……they do talk about us.   I don’t mean to imply that they gossip, but they do comment  who they enjoy dancing with and why.    Guess what,  the single most talked about issue is consistently our ability, or lack there of, to lead.   I have yet to hear one lady say “that guy didn’t do enough patterns with me”.    I often hear the following:

• I could not follow his lead
• he was too rough
• His lead was too soft
• and so on and so on and so on

I can’t speak for the ladies.  I can only convey the message that has been given to me over and over again.  Here it is.

A simple dance executed well and lead confidently is infinitely better than a complicated one lead poorly.  Maybe there is a life lesson here.

In 5 Tips for Ballroom Beginners , I mention two things.  Do a few things well, rather than many poorly and focus on the basics.  This means many things but in this case it means constantly work to improve your ability to lead both on and off the dance floor.

So ladies….In dance and life, do you really want to be in charge or do you do it because you you feel you have to or nobody will be in charge? I’d really like to hear your answer to this question.

Men… Can you be these things on and off the dance floor?

Everyone?  Does this rambling make sense or am I just full of it??????

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Have you ever stopped to consider how much your head weighs?  On Average about 12 pounds.  That may not sound like much, but when it’s sitting on top of your body it can have an exaggerated impact on your balance and the way your body moves.

Your head can influence your body in two primary ways.

Balance

Good balance comes from understanding your Center Point of Balance. Imagine putting your fist inside body right below the area where your rib cage comes together. This is your center point of Balance.

Although this center never changes, it’s influence on your dance does depending on a number of things.  Such as stance and arm positioning.  However, the one thing that can affect your balance more than any other is your head.

Consider a sledge hammer.  The handle, by itself is not particularly difficult to manage, but put the weight of the hammer head on the end and it radically changes the balance and makes it more difficult to handle.

Your head has the same exaggerated influence on your body.  If your head is in the wrong position, it will cause you balance problems.

A simple exercise will illustrate this.  Stand on one foot and then tilt your head forward until you are looking down at the ground or back till you are looking straight up.  I’m betting your balance was effected or maybe it even forced you off balance.

Directional Tendencies

We know that the position of our head can change our balance but another way it influences our body is by the direction we are looking.

Your body naturally follows the head’s direction.  If you are looking a particular direction, your body has a natural tendency to move in that direction.

A great illustration of this is driving.  Have you ever been driving down the road and looked to one side at something for a little too long and when you looked back at the road, found that your vehicle is drifting somewhat in the direction you were looking?  Your visual gaze had an influence on your arms and they reacted by moving towards your gaze.  By the way,  I am not suggesting you try this.  If you have never noticed it, just trust me.  It works!!

You visual gaze can have the same impact on dance.  When we dance foxtrot and go from basic to promenade, we are instructed to look in the direction of travel.  Why,  if we dance promenade looking at our partner, it changes how your body reacts.  Your partner can actually feel the difference.

Looking where you are going will also keep you from running someone over.

Putting it into Practice

Practice keeping your head centered above your body.  Feel the back of your neck and find the vertebrate where your neck ends and your back begins.  You can feel the first bone that doesn’t move when you move your head front to back like a chicken.  Silly, I know, but it gets the point across.

This is the Centering Knob. Pressing that knob straight back as you go into movements controls your posture and will greatly improve you balance as well as power and control of movement.

Pressing this knob back actually tilts your chest cavity into a more optimal posture and gives the feeling of tightening and shortening the muscles around the center spine area as well as the front part of the chest.  This will also allow you greater breath control and, most importantly, centers the head directly over the spine for precise balance control.

Give it a try.  Did it work for you?  Tell me how it changed your dancing?

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Partner Communication is critical to effective lead and follow.   The link is to an eHow video that gives a decent description of partner communication and a few exercises you can use to improve your lead and follow.
Partner Communication Video

In this video, you will learn the basics of partner communication techniques.

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