Ballroom dancing is a combination of one leader and one follower working together as one.    Oops….did i just give away the ending?   Maybe a little but I really have a different point to make.

Yes, the leader makes the decisions on the patterns and steps to be taken and the direction of the dance, but is he really in charge.   Leading is by invitation (or at least it should be).   The leader can’t force the follower to do anything so is he really in charge?   As the follower, you have all the control.  If you choose not to follow, there is not much the leader can do about it.

I have heard some teachers say that in dancing, you have to “let the man be in charge”.   I find this statement extremely amusing.  Why?  The very statement contradicts itself.

If you “allow” or “let” the man be in charge, you have chosen to do so and ultimately have the control.

Author Andre Maurois is quoted as follows:  The most important quality in a leader is that of being acknowledged as such.

This is especially true in dance.  If the follower does not acknowledge the leadership of the leader, then…well…..it’s not going to be much fun for either.

So when it comes down to it.  Men, you can’t push a rope and you can’t make your partner to do what you want by force.  Lead gently and with authority and you will be acknowledged as such.

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Do you remember the first time you attended a dance at your local dance club?  Do you remember what you were feeling?  Maybe you were intimidated or nervous.  Maybe you thought everybody would be watching you or they might even laugh.  Then you got there and found that you were welcomed with smiles and warmth…… or maybe not. 

When new people come to our local dance, it’s vital that we are encouraging and make them feel comfortable.  It only takes one off hand comment or negative reaction to ensure that person will never return.  I speak from experience.

I’m not happy to admit that I let this affect me as much as it did, but I did allow one person’s reaction keep me from enjoying what should have been years of fun.

I had just started taking lessons and attended a local club party.  During the dance they announced a chair dance and I decided to give it a try.  If you don’t know,  a chair dance is a mixer allowing you an opportunity to dance with, and meet,  different people. 

The dance was a foxtrot.  My turn arrived and I was paired with a lady I had never met.  I introduced myself and said I was new at this.  Her response was to frown, roll her eyes  and ask “how new” in an exasperated and very intolerant tone.  She was clearly put out that she had to endure a trip around the room with someone who didn’t know what they were doing. 

My response was no better.  I said that I was too new for that and I left her standing there.  Shortly thereafter, I left for the night and did not return for many years.  From that day on, my impression of that organization was defined by one word.. Arrogant.    I blame myself for my response because so many others had been kind, friendly and great fun.

Years later, I did finally return.  I did dance the chair dance and had a great time.  I found the people were warm and friendly and encouraging to new people and just happy that I was there.   Then I saw……HER.  

That night, I danced with her, talked to her and found that she was a sweet and kind person who just loved to dance.  The funny thing is she didn’t remember me at all, but I could have picked her out of a crowd of a thousand.    I have never mentioned that first night to her so she is completely unaware of what happened.

As negative as the above story may sound, I hope  my experience will have a positive influence.  

First to those who have been dancing for years:  Remember what it was like your first day and be positive and encouraging to new people.  One thoughtless comment can have great influence and first impressions can be hard to overcome if that impression is bad. 

Second to the new dancers:   You are important to us.  We love new people and want you to come back.  Without you, our clubs will wither away.  If, by chance, you encounter someone who does treat you poorly or with little patience,  ignore them.  They are few and far between and may just have had a bad day. 

Don’t do what I did and allow one person’s 5 second reaction keep you from enjoying what your local clubs have to offer.

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Don't Forget to Breathe

For a balllroom dancer, what’s the single most important muscle in your body? The diaphragm. It is probably the most ignored muscle as well. Breathing should be a part of every dance movement.

You have probably heard someone make the statement: He/She is so light on their feet?   Whether the dancer realizes it or not,  they are light on their feet largely due to good breathing. 

  Importance of Breathing

Why is it important to breathe correctly?

1. We breathe in air, to fill up the lungs, and then exhale, allowing the body to fully stretch.    Arms and legs will appear to breathe…. and they are.  
2. Holding your breathe or breathing erratically has an adverse effect on your posture
3. Good breathing techniques create smooth motion in your movements. 
4. Breathing maintains strength

Effects of not Breathing

I learned early that if I’m going to dance, I must breathe.  I say I learned, but that’s not entirely true.  I still find myself occasionally holding my breath when performing a new or difficult movement.   It may have only been for a few seconds, but the effect can be surprising.  Just a few seconds can cause dramatic muscle fatigue.  Breathing strengthens you.  

A simple exercise can illustrate this effect.  Hold your arm out to your side and hold your breathe.  How long can you hold it there?   Now do it again, but take deep steady breaths.  How much longer can you hold your arm there before fatigue set in?  

Deep Breathing Exercises

Exercising the diaphragm is important for any dancer.  It doesn’t matter if you are a competitor or a weekend social dancer.  Spend a few minutes each day and do some simple deep breathing exercises.  Practice breathing while you dance.  You will be surprised by the results.

How has breathing affected your dance?

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Ballroom Dance Lessons

When you decide you want to learn ballroom dancing,  you have one major decision to make.  Should you take private or group lessons?

Private vs Group Lessons

 Group Lessons are great because they are less expensive than private lessons.  Group classes give you the opportunity to learn from different instructors and practice with a variety of people providing you with an opportunity determine which dances, and instructors  you like. 

Group Lessons howerver, will not teach you good technique which is a must for any ballroom dancer.  Things such as proper frame,  lead and follow and posture are not easy to learn in a group setting. 

Private Lessons are the only way to move beyond adequate.  Yes, i’m sure there are those out there who can cite specific people or instances where this is not the case,  but as a general rule.  it won’t happen without private instruction.   You will be able to choose for yourself which dances you wish to learn and the instrustor will move at your pace allowing you to learn at your speed and on the areas where you need to focus.

Private Lessons can be considerably more expensive and do not give you the opportunity to practice your technique with other dancers.  It can also be intimidating being under the scrutiny of a professional instructor for an hour.

Summary

The best solution is a combination of group lessons for patterns and social practice along with private lessons to improve technique and form.  Private lessons can be taken weekly, bi monthly or whatever fits your budget.   Private lessons are an investment just like any other hobby.   Don’t forget social dances where you will have to opportunity to practice what you have learned. 

How important are Private Lessons? 

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While at a local dance this past weekend a discussion began about the expressions on peoples faces  when they dance.    Without a doubt we all enjoy ballroom dancing or we wouldn’t be there right?   When we dance,  we experience joy and that joy shines through on each face on the dance floor like a bright light.   Ok,  I can’t back that up. 

Dance is not an easy thing.  It takes, practice,  commitment and concentration.   You are on the dance floor,  focused on where to put your feet,  your arms.  what’s the next step,  and a hundred other things.  What you may not be thinking about is the expression on your face.  So i’ll ask again.   Have you seen the look on Your Face?  

You may not see it but your partner does and he or she would much rather see a smile.  Take a moment before you walk out on the dance floor and remember why you dance.  That should put a smile on your face.

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Improving your balance  can be discouraging,   but you are not alone.  Ask around and you will find that we all face similar struggles.

 Dancing and Balance

Last night, at the monthly ballroom dance, I had the chance to talk with a friend who has been dancing about as long as I have. I was explaining (more likely complaining) to her how hard it has been for me to learn balance (still working on it).

 Do not be discouraged.  Whatever your struggle is today,  you will ovecome it and become a better dancer tomorrow.

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Dance Floor Etiquette

When you hear Dance Etiquette,  you may think of a past era when men dressed in tuxeodos and women wore fancy victorian gowns.  You may even believe that etiquette is an old fashioned ideal that has no place in today’s society. 

Nothing is more important to dance that good manners and dance floor etiquette.  Take some time to read these great resources.

Beyond Dance Etiquette

People dance socially mostly for the pure joy of it. For the dancing enthusiast, nothing compares to the thrill of moving with grace and harmony to a beautiful piece of music with that wonderful partner of the moment. ? …

Dance Floor Etiquette: Rules for Social Ballroom and Country …

Etiquette on the dance floor helps dancers make the most of the dance floor so that everyone enjoys the dance experience.

Ballroom Dance Etiquette: Simple Rules of Dance Etiquette

In my opinion, dance floor etiquette might just be the most important aspect of dance. If you disagree, then consider this: how many times have you met people who lack manners? I am completely convinced that you did not enjoy their …

Dance Etiquette-Manners and Etiquette Lesson from The Tiara Miss …

For beginners and shy individuals it is even harder to take, and may discourage them from social dancing. Dance etiquette requires that one should avoid declining a dance under almost all circumstances. If you decline a dance, …

What do you think?  Is dance etiquette important today?

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 Part 1 gave us nine traits of a real man,  to strive for in our lives.  I believe these same traits can be applied to the dance floor.  

Confidence

1. Confidence:  Dance with your partner like you have nothing to prove.  Take each step with the confidence that you know what you are doing.  If you don’t, then practice. 

2. Courage:   Go ahead,  Ask her to dance.  Take action.  She wants you to ask her.

 3. Responsibility:   She said yes and now it’s time to dance.  From the moment you take her hand, you accept certain responsibilities.  You have two main  responsibilities: 1. her safety and 2. her entertainment.    Keep her safe.  Keep her out of the path of other dancers.  Keep her entertained.  Engage The Conversation, not in words, but in movements.   You don’t have to perform amazing moves and patterns.  Just dance with her and her alone and to the best of your ability.

4. Discipline:   You will excel at nothing without discipline.  Dance is no exception.  Dance requires discipline to maintain your health and discipline to maintain your skills.  What is not practiced will be lost.

Honesty, Integrity and Kindness

5. Honesty, Integrity, and Kindness:  Be honest with yourself.  Know your own skill level.   I’ve seen many men who thought they were great dancers who were not.  I’ve also seen some who were but thought they were not.   Ask your partners for an honest opinion and be man enough to take it to heart.  

6. Treat Women Like Women:  Women deserve a place of high honor in our lives.  Be a gentleman, courteous and kind.  Ask politely to dance and thank them afterwards because they have chosen to spend that moment with you.

7. Listen:   Not just with your ears, but with your body.  Is she following what you are leading?   If not,  don’t blame her.   Either you aren’t leading effectively or you are doing things she doesn’t understand.  Never dance beyond your partner’s level.  

Defend the Weak

8. Defend the Weak:  Don’t get involved in negative, back biting conversations about other dancers. 

  9. Inspire Submission:  Submission today is such a terrible word to use because we have been indoctrinated into a belief that a woman should never submit to a man.  That somehow, by submitting,  the woman loses control.  Submission is the ultimate act of control.   In life and dance, sumission is the ultimate expression of trust.   The person submitting is actually the one in charge.  Yes,  you heard right.   Submission is a decision that must be made with each direction.   On the dance floor, the woman chooses to accept the Man’s Invitation with each step and this puts her in complete control.   Men, you cannot force submission. Rather, it must be earned.  I’ll say it again.  It Must Be Earned.  It must be freely and willfully given or you are just a bully and will sit alone while others dance.  Inspiring submission demands selflessness on your part.  Inspire her to accept your invitation by inspiring her trust.    How do you do that?  Did you read 1 – 8 above?

 Do you agree, disagree?  Especially ladies,  what is your opinion?  What do you want from men on the dance floor?

 Read 9 Traits of a Real Man – Part 1

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Looking for some ways to improve you dancing?  These links just might do the trick.  Jamie has put together a nice site with some very good articles on a number of dance topics.

 Ballroom Dance Steps: To Build Up Your Fundamental Basics

There are various dancing steps to use in ballroom dancing. There are basic types of vocabulary of the ballroom dance steps. In most occasions, dance instructors use terms like coaster steps and triple steps without taking into account of the fact that as a beginner, you may not have an idea of what these words mean.

The Correct Ballroom Dance Posture

Ballroom dance posture is very basic and fundamental skill a ballroom dancer should learn at the very beginning.

How to Dance with Powerful Expression

Expression is one of those things that’s hard to define or even critique upon but adds life to any dance performance. How is expression achieved?

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