NEVER FORGET,  ALWAYS HONOR

I am oppressed with a sense of the impropriety of uttering words on this occasion. If silence is ever golden, it must be here beside the graves of fifteen thousand men whose lives were more significant than speech and whose death was a poem the music of which can never be sung. We do not know one promise these men made; one pledge they gave; one word they spoke; but we do know they summed up and perfected by one supreme act the highest virtues of men and citizens. For love of country, they accepted death, and thus resolved all doubts and made immortal their patriotism and virtue.   General James Garfield, May 30th, 1868

Like

Unlike

Will dance change your life?

Lately, I have been thinking about how my life has changed in the ten years since I started learning to dance.   As I thought about this, it occurred to me that a number of very positive things have changed in my life that were a direct result of dance.  Here are a few.

1. Confidence

If I can do something once, I can do it a thousand times.

2.  Courage

It’s sometimes difficult to do something new, to take that first step into the unknown, but the rewards are so worth it.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable and grow.

3.  Persistence

Anything worth doing is going to be a challenge.  When it’s most frustrating, there is only one thing to do.  Keep going.  Do not stop,      EVER!!!

4.  Accept Criticism

Some are good and worthy of your attention.  Some are bad and better ignored.  Listen to the good and grow.  Ignore the bad as it’s not worth your energy.

5.  Mistakes are Part of Life

Mistakes are part of being human.  Appreciate your mistakes for what they are:  precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.   Hard lessons last the longest.

6.  First Impressions

They say first impressions are the most important and that may be so, but I’ve found that everyone deserves a second chance to make a good first impression so give everyone two chances.    Who knows, maybe you didn’t do so good on your first impression either.

7.  Passion

Whatever you do and enjoy, do it with passion.  Passion is the difference between good and extraordinary.  If you love what you are doing, it shows like a bright beacon.

8.  Embrace the unexpected

Be suprised.   Some of the most enjoyable and rewarding moments come when you  least expect it.

9.  Life is a Journey

Goals and destinations are important, but you can’t look at where you are and compare yourself to others.

You are on a journey and always endeavor to improve, but enjoy where you are today.   Look back and see where you came from and celebrate the success of what you have already achieved.

Life’s A Dance
by John Michael Montgomery

Life’s a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don’t worry about what you don’t know
Life’s a dance you learn as you go

Learning to dance can be a fun and rewarding experience, but walking into that studio for the first time can be quite scary for many people.

Read more of my article at The Examiner….

Marchione and her disabled partner, Nick Scott, will compete together for the first time at the upcoming Philadelphia Festival Atlantic Coast Championships in Philadelphia in June and again at the IPC Worlds in November in Germany.

Read More…

As men, we often ask ourselves what do  women want and it seems to be a mystery to many.   ….

Is it possible that what women want in life is the same thing they look for in dance?   I hear over and over again from dance instructors the following statement in one form or another.  “Guys, this is the one place you are in charge”.   Is this really true?  I wonder.

We live in a society today that has taken something critical from men.   Our Masculinity and Authority.  Gone are the days of strong men.

TV has an interesting way of portraying current social stigmas and stereotypes.  TV used to be filled with strong male leads as fathers and husbands.  Men of strong conviction, character and integrity.  Men such as Charles Engels (Little House on the Prarie) are gone only  to be replaced with men like Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) who are nothing more than  incompetent man-children, barely leaving behind adolescence despite their age.

Commericals barrage us with scenes of the lost and ignorant husband unable to comprehend the simple fact that the wife just got wireless internet in their house and she has to patiently explain to the moron of a husband that he no longer needs a cable to print his stupid worthless document.  Yeah,  I added the stupid, worthless part.

How did we get to a point where our society’s view of men is a hapless, spineless, bumbling bunch of idiots? or is it?

Where am I going with this?   I promise this train of thought does actually have a caboose.

I’m not going to go into how we got here as that is a bigger subject and could fill a book.  OK, it’s already filled many books so I doubt I have anything to add.  So I’m going to talk about it from another angle.

Ladies,  I ask you one honest simple question.  Do you want to be the leader in your relationship or would you prefer a strong, capable, confident, respectful, trusted man take that role?   I ask it this way simply because if I asked if you would want to follow the leadership of Ray Barone, the answer would be obvious….NO.

Now for the point.  I suspect that the same traits women look for in a strong dance leader might also be the same they would find appealing in a relationship.

Last year I wrote a two part series: 9 Traits of a Real Man  Part 1 and Part 2.  Part 1 links to an article by Bobbi Wingham (a woman) and her views on Masculine Men.  In Part 2, I apply these traits to the dance floor.

As a man, I seriously doubt that I could do a better job of describing the traits women want in a man better than Bobbi did.  You may or may not agree with her but I challenge you to find anything negative in the traits she lists.

Read part 1, and Bobbi’s article, then read part 2.  When you done, come back here and finish this one.  Don’t worry,  I will wait.

Queue the elevator music……….

So what did you think?  Agree?   disagree?

I’ve come to beleive that in life, just as in dance,  women want strong men to be in charge.  Not just on the dance floor, but off as well.  Men, We have abdicated our position of authority by simply not living up to it.    I’ll illustrate with dance

Dance is a partnership and connection is critical.  I write often about connection in dance, in frame, to the music and especially to your partner.  Men, If you do not maintain connection to your dance partner, they will be forced to lead themselves.   Here is a revelation for you.  She doesn’t want that.  She wants you to take control of the dance.

In life,  it might be said that she wants the same thing which is  Strong Leadership.   Now before you go getting mad at me, did you read part 1 and part 2?????   Well, then go ahead and read Lead and Follow: Part 3 – I Lead, You Follow, But Who’s In Charge? .

I’m not talking about leadership that is “do what I say or else”.  I’m talking servant leadership that is selfless, respectful, trusted, protective, nurturing.

I’m going to list some qualities of a good leader as they apply to the dance floor.   When I’m done, I have a question  for the ladies.

• A leader will have most or all of the 9 Traits of a Masculine Man
• Leadership is a burden, a leader must be able to gain support from the follower.
• A leader must be trusted by the follower
• Leadership cannot be taken or forced, only granted.  Force does not equal leadership
• A leader must be strong and firm, but gentle.
• A leader must be Respectful, placing her in a position of high honor.
• A leader must allow her freedom to express herself, to be heard, and allowed to grow.
• Leadership requires humility.  Never draw attention to your own skill. Let others do it for you.
• A leader accepts the follower, not as an equal, but as one esteemed above himself and of greater importance

When I go to dance, I like to sit and talk with the ladies.  Well, who doesn’t, but I listen to what they have to say about us men and let me tell you guys……they do talk about us.   I don’t mean to imply that they gossip, but they do comment  who they enjoy dancing with and why.    Guess what,  the single most talked about issue is consistently our ability, or lack there of, to lead.   I have yet to hear one lady say “that guy didn’t do enough patterns with me”.    I often hear the following:

• I could not follow his lead
• he was too rough
• His lead was too soft
• and so on and so on and so on

I can’t speak for the ladies.  I can only convey the message that has been given to me over and over again.  Here it is.

A simple dance executed well and lead confidently is infinitely better than a complicated one lead poorly.  Maybe there is a life lesson here.

In 5 Tips for Ballroom Beginners , I mention two things.  Do a few things well, rather than many poorly and focus on the basics.  This means many things but in this case it means constantly work to improve your ability to lead both on and off the dance floor.

So ladies….In dance and life, do you really want to be in charge or do you do it because you you feel you have to or nobody will be in charge? I’d really like to hear your answer to this question.

Men… Can you be these things on and off the dance floor?

Everyone?  Does this rambling make sense or am I just full of it??????

Like

Unlike

Argentine Tango has had a significant impact on my life and I have written about it a number of times here.    Months back I wrote an article called In Tango As In Life where I detailed a number of lessons I have learned.

Today, I found this article about Tango and it’s impact on the authors business life and it is something definitely worth reading.

Argentine Tango – Improve your decision making ability
If you think of Argentine Tango as a dance where latino guys with greased hair drag sexy woman in tight dresses over the dance floor, performing all kinds of weird rigid steps (things you never would consider to do in your life) you´re probably asking yourself “How can this improve my ability to make decisions?”

Has Tango Impacted your life?  I would love to hear your story.

Like

Unlike

As a general rule, I refrain from writing about Dancing With the Stars.   I mean,  what could I possibly add to the flood of commentary and reporting about this show?   Well,  something was different last night and I am going to break my rule.  The difference was Kelly Osbourne.

I must confess that I didn’t have a very high opinion of Kelly before last night.  I saw one episode of The Osbournes, years ago and came away with a very bad impression.   My opinion was changed last night and not willingly either. 

There are singular moments in my life that have defined who I am.  These  moments have defined my character, my path in life and even guided me to success and sometimes failure.  Last night, it felt like I was witnessing one of those moments for Kelly.  

Her Viennese Waltz was very well performed.  Actually, Kelly can dance, and her personality ( shy, sweet, scared)  endeared me to her .   She transformed from Tomboy(as Bruno called her) to a Lady on the dance floor.   A transformation that left her mother speechless and in tears.   Even Ozzy, the Prince of Darkness himself, was emotionly rocked with joy. 

Ballroom Dancing is an art form intended to create something beautiful and inspirational and that is exactly what Kelly did when she far exceed everyone’s(including her own) expectations. 

 I can’t say if this is a defining moment in her life.   It certainly will be one of the most memorable for the show and she has become my favorite this season.

What did you think of Kelly’s performance?

Like

Unlike

Here is a great article about Argentine Tango and the people who dance it.

 Living Through Tango

Tango is about national identity and every note of its music, every gesture of the dance, contains within it their history“

Like

Unlike

Passion and the intimate connection in Tango is often missunderstood.  Read this and think again.

Close and Open Embrace

I like many things about Argentine tango: its music, passion, beauty, its sportive, social and recreational functions, and its culture (milonguero legends, milonga code, cabeceo, and even machismo, etc.). All of these, however, would not mean so much if tango were not danced between a man and a woman.

For me, Argentine Tango is like therapy for the soul.  It relieves stress from life. Iimagine it as therapy for the body as well…..

Argentine Tango Therapy

On the fourth floor of Buenos Aires’ largest psychiatric hospital, patients dance the tango with doctors and nurses.

A few months ago some were too shy to talk and others could barely keep their balance when they walked. Today, they embrace their partners cheek-to-cheek, gliding and pausing across the floor to the mournful chords of a traditional accordion.

Like

Unlike